Kiss me. I’m too drunk te grope ye properly.
Its just like cuddling, only damper.
I cuddle after sex.
I want to check you for ticks.
Its okay to look, but not like you’re starving for a cheeseburger.
What’s the password?!?!?! Let me in or I’ll shred your face.
Futility: When the stupid just won’t go away.
You can agree with me or you can be wrong.
I enjoy contact with human beings.
The last thing I want to hurt is you…but its still on my list.
Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?
I’m busy now, can I ignore you some other time?
I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.
You are validating my inherent distrust of strangers.
I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
I’m not being rude, you’re just being insignificant.
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are purely ceremonial.
Man must be awful drunk to stumble on shadow.
When a man asks your advice it is to endorse something he has already done.
Never open your mouth until you are absolutely certain your brain is working.
Life is short; break the rules; forgive quickly; love truly; laugh uncontrollably; and never regret anything that made you smile.
Never forget who you are, for surely the world will not.
Every saint has a past, every sinner a future.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
I’m only as strong as my chocolate, my pushup bra and my hair spray.
When in doubt, mumble.
Don’t. You aren’t old enough to experience that much pain.
The cuter the face, the more you should worry.
Go away, or I will taunt you a second time.
I never give up when I’m right.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.